Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
