matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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