i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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