I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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