She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
