I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
