You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
