So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
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She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
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Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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