Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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