so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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