i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
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I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
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Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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