Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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