We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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