apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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