If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
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I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
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How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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