my shit smells like andre
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
