And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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