he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
