I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
