Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
