He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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