i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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