miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
