u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
