A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
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you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
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I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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