Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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