i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I could have mohawked her pubes.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize