Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
