I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
