How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
