You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Too much gin, very little bucket
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
How does one acquire holy water?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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