Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
