the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
