Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
