Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
