Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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