rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
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i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
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I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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