I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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