i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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