my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
