____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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