She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
