I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You ate ashes out of my bong
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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