I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
