i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
