I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
