Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
