I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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