there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
now i know why i became what i already was.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
