I have demons in me.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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