You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
