...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
