just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
