im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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