A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
