I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
