Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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